


we can't always be trailblazers

by MrsCalculation



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Apologies, Coming Out, Gen, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, Trans Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsCalculation/pseuds/MrsCalculation
Summary: JJ never meant for Yuri to genuinely hate him, but he couldn't quite pinpoint the root of the problem until recently.
Relationships: Jean-Jacques Leroy & Yuri Plisetsky, Jean-Jacques Leroy/Isabella Yang (mentioned), Otabek Altin & Jean-Jacques Leroy, Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky (implied)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	we can't always be trailblazers

**Author's Note:**

> Lol happy Canada Day to only JJ Leroy
> 
> Takes place about a year and a half after the end of the show, at the end of the men's competition at Worlds.
> 
> The otayuri in this is basically only one line, so I'm sorry if that's what you're here for! I just thought I would tag for it just in case.
> 
> Though I don't think there should be any concerns, please check end notes for potential content warnings! Please note that content warnings will contain fic spoilers :)

“Plisetsky, wait—” JJ has time to say before shoving his foot between the jamb and the rapidly-slamming door. It hurts more than he expects it to, but it’s the end of the season, anyway. He can manage some minor bruising just fine. 

“Go _away_ , asshole,” Yuri says, shoving the door harder onto JJ’s foot.

Honestly, given a little more context, he can see why Yuri hates him so much. It really had started out as what JJ thought was friendly teasing, like he does with most of his competitors, but one incredibly awkward call with Otabek made him realize that, oh _shit_ , this probably isn’t as cute as he thought it was before.

“Five minutes, man,” JJ says, grasping at the only real way he has to appeal to Yuri right now. “I swear, give me five minutes to get in, say my thing, and get out. You can even punch me as many times as you want.”

Yuri glares at him, and it’s ridiculous that JJ feels small under it for a moment. He’s got a good fifteen centimeters over Yuri, and is also a _grown-ass adult_. Never once has JJ felt physically intimidated by a child, even one he’s come to respect as a competitor.

The door goes tighter against his foot, but lets up as Yuri turns away to walk further into his room. “You have three,” he says, not bothering to look at JJ.

JJ shoves his way into Yuri’s hotel room, flipping the deadbolt of the door before it closes to keep it propped open. He ignores the pain in his foot as he goes to stand in front of where Yuri is sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s scrolling through something on his phone, but his thumb hovers over the screen without moving for a long moment when JJ stops in front of him. The room is far too still for their personalities, and the second Yuri invites conversation with the faintest quirk of an eyebrow, JJ launches into his speech.

“Look, I talked to Otabek, and I didn’t realize, okay? Which is stupid of me, for _me_ of all people not to realize, but in my defense, you’re just a kid and looked like an actual baby when I met you anyway, so can you blame me for not noticing? Actually, I think it’s probably a _good_ sign that I didn’t notice! That means most other people probably can’t even tell!”

Yuri stares at him through the whole spiel, mouth slightly open and eyes slightly narrowed. “Are you done?” he asks, and JJ shrugs, because is he? He doesn’t really know. “What the _fuck_ ,” Yuri says, harsh and velar, and JJ realizes that, while he’s heard Yuri say a number of things in a number of languages, the kid has never actually said _fuck_ around him before. At least, not in English. It’s a minor miracle that it’s taken two whole seasons for JJ to hear it from him.

“Uh,” JJ says. Apparently Yuri thinks _what the fuck_ is a complete question on its own. Like, what is he asking? What does JJ need to clarify? He’s just as lost as Yuri seems to be. “I’m sorry?”

“For _what_.”

“For, uh,” and JJ scratches at the back of his head, not knowing where to go from here, “not realizing we had more in common than I thought? For being an insensitive dickhead when I could have, I don’t know, helped somehow?”

JJ can’t tell if the way Yuri is baring his teeth at him is supposed to be a grin or a threat. Maybe both. “We don’t have anything in common, prick,” Yuri spits at him, just as harsh as before. This isn’t going so well. Maybe JJ had misread this whole thing? If he leaves now, maybe Yuri will just forget about it and let things go back to normal between them, with the stupid teasing and the rivalry that actually motivates JJ to work harder because he’s not the rock star new kid anymore. Maybe he can salvage this.

“I mean, I might be wrong,” JJ says, and he tries to flash a grin, but he knows it falls flat. “It’s rare, but it’s happened before. But, uh, I thought that—I mean, Otabek said something, and it made me think that—”

“Stop.” And JJ does, mouth hanging open like an idiot, but words stop coming out. “What about Otabek? When did you talk to him about what?”

This is probably the worst question that Yuri could have asked, but at least it’s concrete. JJ can actually answer it. “I called the week before I flew out here, just to see how he was doing. I wish he could have been here, you know? But it’s better that he’s not, it wouldn’t have been worth it to—anyway, never mind, you know what I mean. So I called him about two weeks ago, and he told me not to be an asshole to you, which is hilarious because I am nothing but polite to you! I hold doors open for you and everything. But apparently that’s part of the problem?”

Yuri’s glaring at JJ from his perch on the bed, arms crossed over his chest and his face simultaneously puckered in disgust and incredibly unimpressed. It’s actually kind of impressive how much emotion he can pack into those dead eyes of his. “What problem, specifically.”

“Oh, that you legitimately hate me,” JJ says. He thought that much was obvious. “I thought it was, like, part of our rivalry thing, you know? I fuck with you and you get pissed, you yell at me and I laugh, haha, the fans love it, et cetera et cetera. But, you know? My bad, I got that one wrong.”

“No shit,” Yuri says, rolling his whole body along with his eyes. Again, impressive. “Is that all?”

“Not really,” JJ says, then takes a deep breath and looks anywhere but at Yuri. The corner of the ceiling where a tiny spider is hanging out seems like a great spot to focus. “So Otabek was telling me all the things you actually don’t like about me, you know? All the things I’ve said that have legitimately pissed you off. Apparently you keep a list or something, which is a bit much, but at least I know exactly what to apologize for. But as he was listing them all I noticed that there was a… theme to them? A thread? And I went _oh, shit_ , then Otabek goes, ‘Yeah, shit, Jean’”—JJ says this in his best imitation of Otabek’s deep voice, which isn’t actually that dramatically different from JJ’s own accent except for Otabek's slight Kazakh accent, since almost half the time Otabek had lived in an English-speaking country he’d lived in JJ’s house, which, you know, maybe now is not the time to mention that to Yuri—"and I tried to ask him for confirmation. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions and be wrong, right? But then he says, ‘I didn't say anything. You should know better, Jean. It’s late here. Good night.’ And then he hung up on me! And he hasn’t answered me since! So what I’m trying to say is. I’m sorry?”

Yuri stares at him blankly, which is almost scarier than his glare. JJ sighs, grips the bridge of his nose, breathes in deep, and steps off the cliff.

“I’m trans, okay? I got on blockers before I started junior competition, and ever since then I’ve had no problem just being a man to everyone who knows me, both in real life and in skating, but it never occurred to me that someone else I compete with might also be. Like, I was lucky to have a supportive family who actually believed me when I told them as a kid that this is who I am, but can you imagine? What if I had waited any longer? I got to start blockers and transition and grew up like…” JJ sighs. “I got treated like a ‘real’ man.” He spits it out, hating to even consider himself as anything but, but he’s seen what some people have to go through. It leaves him so tired. He’s seen how poorly they’re treated. JJ can get by no problem most of the time, doesn’t even have to tell most people he’s trans if he doesn’t want to, which may not be the best thing in the world, but some people aren’t even that lucky. Some people didn’t have the family he had, who dropped everything they thought they knew for him. Some people don’t pass like him. “Imagine if I hadn’t been able to. In a sport this strictly gendered?” He snorts, and it hurts the back of his throat. “I probably never would have gotten this far, for starters.”

“Yeah.” JJ looks up. Yuri sounds like a child for the first time since he’s met him. He’s usually all bravado and aggression and rough edges, but now? JJ realizes, actually, truly _realizes_ , that this kid just turned seventeen _this month_. He’s still so young. There’s still a bit of softness to his cheeks, highlighted now by the tears trickling down them, ignored by both of them for Yuri’s sake. “Yeah, I can imagine. More than imagine. It _sucks_.” He wipes aggressively at his chin with his too-long sleeves, not letting the tears fall onto his shirt. “Be grateful. _Cherish_ that shit. It’s rough on the other side.”

JJ’s posture gives out, and he slumps against the dresser behind him. “I can’t imagine. I’m sorry.”

Yuri glares at him again, though it cuts a little less sharp this time. “Keep your damn pity.”

“No, I mean.” He clenches his jaw and forces himself to meet Yuri’s eye. “Not for that. I’m sorry for all the jokes. For calling you a lady, or a little girl. That’s not cool ever, you know? Consider it some internalized transphobia or whatever, I don’t know. I’m lucky enough that I don’t have to think about those things so often. But it’s even worse that I did it to _you_. That _I_ did it to you. I was being a dick. I should know better.”

Yuri sniffles slightly, and JJ wouldn’t have believed that Yuri Plisetsky, Russia’s number one ice skating punk, could make that noise if he hadn’t been looking as it happened. “Yeah, well, whatever,” he says, clearly trying for his usual aggression but missing the mark. “Maybe I’ll forget about it if you don’t do it again.”

“Never,” JJ promises.

For a moment, Yuri just looks at him. Then he closes his eyes, rolls his neck, and exhales through his nose, and when he meets JJ’s eyes again, he looks exactly like the Yuri JJ knows. “It has been far more than three minutes. Get the hell out of my room.”

JJ laughs, a little started by the sudden change in tone, and gives a mock salute. “Yes, sir,” he says, then makes his way for the door. He can hear Yuri’s eye roll behind him.

Later, when JJ is icing his foot while lounging on his hotel bed, showered and relaxed, admiring Isabella as she reads in the chair in the corner, the soft turn of pages easing JJ’s tension, a message pops up on his phone.

_Thank you_ , reads the text from Otabek.

**JL:** _? What for?_

**OA:** _He called me. He cried about it. I think he needed that._

JJ’s about to text back when another message pops up. _Don’t tell him I told you he cried. I’ll have to haunt you after he kills me._ JJ grins.

**JL:** _Don’t worry about it. I know he’s strong._

**OA:** _Unbelievably so._

Oh. So it _is_ like that. JJ wonders if Yuri’s noticed yet.

**OA:** _He’s been doing this alone for so long. It’s good for him to know that he’s not the only one._

**JL:** _I mean, he’s not alone. He has you._

**OA:** _Yeah_

**OA:** _But he can’t make this a competition with just me. Now he has even more motivation to be better than you._

JJ laughs aloud, and Isabella looks up, a soft smile and a quirked eyebrow gracing her face. JJ waves it away, and she tucks back into her book, content.

**JJ:** _Glad to be of service._

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that your friendly author is nonbinary (not a trans man) and most certainly not a professional athlete, so some of the personal experience I used to shape this work may not be entirely accurate. Please let me know politely if there is anything that needs to be changed!
> 
> Not mentioned in the fic:  
> Otabek sustained a minor injury that took him out of the last part of the season  
> it's kind of unspoken knowledge to everyone that Yuri is trans but they just don't say anything for ISU reasons. JJ kind of just never picked up on it lol  
> JJ came out to Otabek while they were training together in Canada! Otabek has also dropped a lot of "well, maybe if you just talked to him you'd understand him a bit more" about JJ to Yuri, who also didn't listen.
> 
> **Content warnings:**  
>  JJ comes out as trans to Yuri, who is also a trans man. JJ figured it out because Otabek told him to stop calling Yuri a lady and that JJ should know better. Otabek did not out Yuri to JJ! And again, it's an open secret that Yuri has no problem with his competitors knowing about.  
> JJ refers to himself as getting to grow up like a "real man" because he had a supportive family. In context, he acknowledges that that isn't an accurate phrase to use, but that he's lucky in that way compared to other people who don't get treated as their actual gender.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I had a wonderful time coming up with a lot of background details that didn't make it into this fic, so feel free to talk to me about it! Find me on [Tumblr](https://mrscalculation.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsCalculation) @MrsCalculation!
> 
> (Sorry to people subscribed to me for [buzzcut season](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387591). This was originally published on anon to avoid getting y'all's hopes up, I'm sorry!!!)


End file.
